Herculine Barbin Essay

Upon reading Herculine Barbin, it helped me understand the difficulties in which Herculine had, living as a hermaphrodite living in his century, as it is still very difficult to lead such a life now. However, many parts of the reading were ambiguous because she never exactly mentions the condition of her body or what kind of sickness she is exactly suffering from. Although she always mentions the fact that she is suffering and in a great deal of pain, she only goes as far to describe the way she looks from the outside and how the others perceive her sickness. In the beginning of the novel, I can’t help but be confused about Herculine’s sexual identity. She describes herself as being born in a hospital that treats for â€Å"sick people of both sexes,† but it seems though, for the time being, she is going to be living on as a female. However, advancing into the story, we see the sorts of intimacy she gets into as she declares her love for other girls. This is another way to show the reader of the uncertainty in the identification of her gender. I loved her at first sight, and though her outward appearance had nothing about it that was dazzling, it was irresistibly attractive because of the modest grace that was shed over her entire person. † This quote represents a bit of masculinity yet also the femininity that was present within Herculine. Herculine seemed to be warm around other girls and woman, like any other female, but there was a certain different intimacy. She had grown up with women and it had taught her to be feminine and loving. However, because women surround her, it allowed her to explore her sexuality and employ it as much as possible. We can see uncertainty of gender arising here. Another uncertainty we see is the intelligence that is present in Herculine. She is described as being the smartest and as being very studious. Some of her traits do make it seem as though she was born to be a male. Although her birth did decide Herculine’s gender, it does not decide her true identity. There is a mistaken belief for her gender and there is not an exact way to identify Herculine’s true gender. Herculine always feels guilty about what she is doing, whether it may be falling in love with Sara or feeling sick. She has to be self-conscious about what she does because it can ruin her reputation. She had to hide her identity in order to get what she wanted. As a child, Herculine had a small problem growing up with all girls, because she felt a different intimacy with a girl names Lea, and that is where it all had started. Herculine was unable to control her desires later on, especially with Madame P’s daughter, Sara. Their relationship was so intimate that it was becoming painful for Herculine. Herculine was unsure if the identity she was carrying was right or if she needed a change. But she knew that no one was to know about the change because it would condemn her from society and shun anyone around her. She could not just be considerate of herself but needed to think about everyone else around her, especially those who were offering and giving help to her. She possesses shame toward her body and its undergoing changes. When her body starts to grow hair, she tries to hide it and when she realizes she is becoming more masculine, she feels uncomfortable with the transformation. Her refusal to show off her body to the doctor shows us that she does regret and dislike the changes that are going on in her body. It shows off her feminine side. Although Herculine was hurting from the bodily changes, she tries to hide all of these factors because she indeed wants to stay a woman. She feels awkward in society and does not have the problem with the way she was living then. She believed that she was born to love but her identity change later on in the story was forcing her to love like a man. Many times in the reading, Herculine relies on religion to get her through the sufferings. She is very pious and tries to fit into society and uses religion to relieve herself of the outside world. She feels guilty toward the world with regards to what is happening to herself. She wants acceptance or change but at the same time she also wants answers. When she confesses for the first time, she is shocked to find the priest, Abbe H, who is very close and associated with Madame P’s family, throwing insults and terrifying words at her. That was the deciding factor that leads her to secrecy and more uncertainty over her body. However, later she finds people who encourage her and aid her with her disease. One specific person would be Monsieur de Saint M. He is the one who urges her to go off and tells her the instructions as to what to do in order to cure of her disease. Never does he once put her down. He treats Herculine like his own and on his deathbed, Monsieur de Saint M is proud of Herculine and Herculine seems to be thankful toward him. He was like a father figure to her and he led her to live more true to her self. However, even after she undergoes a change to her body, Barbin undergoes obstacles to try to fit in with her new identity and body. To his dismay, the surroundings and people around Herculine look down at her and with disgust. Herculine is unable to find and job and therefore looks for an escape, and that is to the United States. Society was very stereotypical, because of the fact that although Herculine was now a man, she did not seem or acted like one. However, Herculine himself, or rather herself, did not seem satisfied with the new identity and was miserable. This leads to suicide later on. Herculine had to cut her own life due to societal torments. She had to leave her real identity behind and it was the cause of her misery. Herculine was never comfortable living in her society as a hermaphrodite because never in her life did she feel normal and comfortable with herself.